If I Were A Boy…
by MusicalMangaHeartbeats
Summary: -One Shot- If Nessie had been the boy named EJ that Bella wanted...how would EJ react when he discovers what his name really means...AU but NO OOC, Rated T for funny & interesting ending! Read BD first to understand what the heck i mean...R&R, please!


**HIYA!!! this is my first one-shot soo huzzah!!! **

**this story was stuck in my mind for the LONGEST when i was thinking of Breaking Dawn one day and i asked myself, "What would Nessie say if she was a boy and was ACTUALLY named EJ!?" i mean if u think about it...bella sucks at name-picking so what would she (or should i say he???) say?!?!**

**this story was tha answer!!!!!!**

**Disclaimer: until Stephenie Meyer answers my phone calls, emails, letters, threat notes, ****suicude letters... I DON'T OWN TWILIGHT!!!! **

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If I Were A Boy…

**Bella's POV**

It was a good day, I was positive about that. It was an average murky Sunday; I sat comfortably in Edward's arms in the living room of the Cullen manor in Canada with Alice and Jasper who were also cuddled together. We all were somewhat watching the British television shows as I saw our almost-fully grown son, EJ, appear from the kitchen, wrestling Emmett.

He rebounded from the deflected pounce to Emmett's head he gave and rolled to his feet in a graceful recovery before even landing on the ground. A playful growl rumbled from his chest as he concentrated on winning this match. Emmett chuckled as he saw EJ's determination, but humored him and crouched to mimic his opponent's stance.

I stared at my child with the same ecstatic proud emotion I've felt since he came out of my womb. EJ was most definitely Edward's child; he was breathtakingly beautiful just like him, with subtle reminders I helped with his existence, too. His hair was the same unusual coppered tone, but was curly like Charlie's, and was in twisted perfect disarray. His face was square—also like Edward—and he had full soft lips with other perfect features. The only thing that was me was his chocolate brown eyes, but even those were hazel; Edward's green human eye color shades the background of the iris, leaving the inherited chocolate brown a mere mud puddle slightly concealing a rock of emerald.

I was hard to believe this child caused so much commotion. After I was revived, we immediately left Forks. The wolves searched for us for two months to kill us for breaking the treaty, if it wasn't for Jacob and his lie that I had died and the rest of us fled town—well, it was partially a lie—the werewolves probably would have searched for years.

After the rather sad news, the wolves lied to Charlie and said Edward and I died in a car accident during a road trip and the bodies were so badly burnt, he wouldn't want to see it. Carlisle, Esme and the others even had to fake tears when the families came together to 'grieve', a closed casket funeral and everything while Edward and I spent time with our newborn son at another island bought for Esme by Carlisle (seriously, how many does she have?!?). Emmett_ almost_ ruined the façade for us by making some seriously _un_funny jokes to my family, something I still need to kill him for.

When my new family was finally off the hook from Charlie and the human thing, we fled to Canada to start over (we didn't want to explain EJ to the Denali clan). When the time came, we even pulled off the visit from the Volturi quite easily. Alice simply hid EJ (didn't want to the Volturi to know about him either) and my new family had a slightly tense chat with the somewhat vampire royalty.

A bang, groan and chuckle snapped me from my deep reverie, and I saw EJ in a man made —or should I say half-vampire made?—hole in the wall. Thank God Esme was hunting.

Emmett sighed over-dramatically and wide smile spread on his face. "I _guess _should say 'Good try' but…I'd be lowering standards for good tries," he teased.

"Ha ha," EJ replied sarcastically, "The...uh…sun was in my eyes?"

Emmett let out another bellowing laugh as he briefly ruffled EJ's hair. "Another _awful_ try, my nephew."—He smiled at the word 'nephew'—"It cloudy outside and don't give me that crap about your eyes catch the slightest beams cuz' not a ray of light can escape those clouds. Are you good at anything?" He laughed once more at my baby.

"Yes I am," EJ smiled evilly, "At this!"

He grabbed Emmett in a chokehold, a hand solidly placed on his cheek.

Emmett could easily escape EJ's grasp, but he allowed him to keep a strong hold on his neck as EJ showed Emmett what was in his mind.

"Sick, man!" Emmett laughed at EJ's mental image, "Now, I know your mother has taught you better!"

"I have, too," interjected Edward, whom I didn't know was listening, "I see you have been hanging with your uncle _too_ much with that thought."

Alice and Jasper laughed in harmony at that.

"EJ…what were you thinking?" I asked suspiciously. I didn't know why I asked; I had a feeling I didn't want to know.

His cheeks turned a deep crimson red, similar to mine when I was human; a slow "Nothinnnn," escaped his full lips as he averted my eyes innocently.

Emmett, Edward, Alice, and Jasper all laughed and I dropped it. But of course, Emmett didn't.

An over-dramatic appalled gasp came from him. "EJ Cullen!" I suppose he was trying to imitate me with the poor high-pitched manly voice emitting from him, but suddenly he stopped.

"Wait… I remember I've always wanted to ask you this, Bella, but…" He though of a way to ask his question. "What the _hell_ does 'EJ' even _mean_?"

Everyone listened, then. I kind of made me self-conscience as I saw all the eyes peering at me. Edward whispered delicately in my ear to not be afraid and a chill of pleasure rolled down my spine. I was still a little miffed. Had they forgotten so _easily_?

"Yeah mom, I would be _a little _helpful for me to know this," EJ encouraged as he sat on the ground gracefully, "When I have to put that façade on for the humans, I would be nice to know what my own _name_ means." He chuckled.

I was still silent. I wasn't because I was afraid or anything; I was simply remembering.

I was remembering the last blurry days before this life; the days when I was pregnant with EJ. I remembered rubbing my terribly bruised stomach, feeling my little nudger inside of me, as I contemplated on a name for him.

"I love you so much, little EJ," I had said to him in the womb. That was the first day he had heard us, loved us.

My EJ. My little Edward Jacob.

A smile spread slowly on my face from the memories. "EJ, do you remember the werewolves"—a snarl came from the second floor as Rosalie descended the stairs—"Anyway, do you remember them?"

EJ's perfect face contorted in deep thought. "You mean those horrid smelling humans?" He came forward to me and placed his hand on my cheek, showing me a vivid picture of a frustrated Jacob. Perfect, he remembered.

"Yes, exactly," He sat back to his original spot. "And that man particularly, do you remember him?"

"Jacob, right?" he inquired.

"Exactly,"

This would so much easier than I expected. He remember Jacob vaguely, meaning I wouldn't have to explain that much. Another fainter smile of remembrance crossed my lips.

"Well, before you were even conceived, there was a slight competition"—I shot a glare at Edward, who smile meekly—"between Jacob and your father for me. I thought that after you came…we could all get along with each other…"

I paused, reflecting on how wrong I had been. Jacob hates us—hates me—for making me the way I am now. I still pains me a little to know how miserable he is now, to always exist knowing we can never patch our relationship up. But I still didn't regret EJ, and know no one else does either. I had a beautiful family and Edward; wanting anything else would be plain selfish.

I returned to reality then; everyone was a little annoyed I had stopped all of a sudden. Emmett was tapping his fingers on the armrest of the seat he was in, waiting impatiently for me to start again.

I continued, pleased that blood could no longer reveal my embarrassment. "Since I thought we could all get along, I wanted my son to have a name that reflected that non-animosity. That is why you name EJ. My EJ. My little Edward Jacob." I smiled triumphantly as I stated the last part; this was truly something I was proud of.

The room was silent as they absorbed this. Every face was emotionless around the room of unmoving vampires, except for mine and Edward, who smirked with the memory. Then I saw EJ's face slowly morph in emotion.

It was a face of disbelief, shock, and thoughtfulness as he looked into my eyes.

"Mom?" EJ said slowly.

"Yes, my little Edward Jacob?" I smiled brighter still.

"That's…pretty fucked up," He replied simply with the same face of shock, disbelief, and thoughtfulness.

Every face dropped a bit from shock, a grin spread delightfully on Emmett's face.

EJ looked around at us in the silence, shrugged and stood up, leaving the room at a human pace.

We were all still quiet from the shock; I glanced at Edward and he too was frozen with disbelief at his son's reply.

"Well it _is pretty_ fucked up," Emmett said matter-of-factly.

A round of 'yeah's and 'yep's sound in the room as everyone got up to leave the silent living room, leaving Edward and I still in a frozen shock in the Cullen manor.

I guess it wasn't _that_ good of a day after all.

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**HA! well it is.......IM SERIOUS! Y CAN'T BELLA PICK UP A FREAKIN BABY BOOK OR SOMETHING!!!!! ITS NOT HARD!**

**Oh yeh and BTW a lil note.... in BD bella did say EJ meant Edward Jacob because when Nessie was about to come out she said 'My little Edward Jacob...' i re-read that (u can too, it's on page 371 in Breaking Dawn... see it??...yeh ima a REAL twilight purist!) and i remember when i read it that first time and got in trouble for exclaiming 'that's fucked UP' when i was in the living room with my parents (opps...) **

**anywho REVEIW or I KILL U!!! (i got that from jeff dunham.....)**

**PEACE-Y!!!!!**


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